Am I the only one?

I'm in a bit of a sad place right now, after recent events have yet again moved in a direction that I would rather they hadn't. It was my own fault - nobody else's. Suppressing my own dreams (hopes/aspirations, etc - not while asleep), that I felt that nothing could penetrate this wall that I have built around me. Then something completely unexpected happened, and before you know it, I was allowing myself to dream. I did question myself - did try and hold back any emotions - but that's the thing with emotions - the more that you suppress them - the stronger they come raging back. It's like Newton's third law on steroids.

Well, the dream lasted all of a week - actually not even a week. It all fell apart last Friday, and I must admit I was very despondent. The thought of driving a car into a wall was quite a tempting thought. Calmer thoughts prevailed, and I am still here, but am still unhappy. I created a new playlist for my iPod - called "Death of a Dream", and put some slow, soft songs on it. Some happy, some not so happy. My anthem at the moment is the Barenaked Ladies classic - "Am I the only one?" The more I listen to this, the more I feel that he understands. I believe that he wrote this for his (then) future wife, but after his brother died in a motorcycle accident, it was dedicated to him. It's a short song, very simple, with an exquisite guitar melody - and if you sit back and listen to it, it will move you.

Here are the lyrics:

Am I the only one
Who gets to make you laugh
Laugh until you cry
Am I the only one
Who asks you to go
Go on without me
Am I the only one
Who loves when you leave
Your hair down in front of your eyes

And who, who do you think I am
And who, who do you think I'll be
Without you

Am I the only one
Who has to dress you up
To see how you fell down
Am I the only one
Who needs you to go
Go on without me
Am I the only one
Who loves when you leave
Your hair down in front of your eyes

And who, who do you think I am
And who, who do you think I'll be
Without you


There's a version on YouTube from the Bathroom Sessions:



I am actually listening to it as I type this entry.
It's after midnight - and I plan to be up around 6am, so I guess I'll cut this short.
Despair and despondency might rule my life at the moment, but I am sure that I will be back to normal soon. And much better at suppressing my dreams. They never come true.

Goodnight.