Sisters, brothers and "The Final Countdown"

As you get older, you tend to look back upon your life and re-examine some of the decisions that you have made. A lot of them make cringe. I know that youth is an excuse of sorts, but at the same time, I wish that I had been mature enough to do things differently.

I say this specifically thinking of my younger sister and brother. A couple of months ago, my mother was berating me over the phone because the three of us didn't have the semblance of being close. That just wasn't on - she felt (quite passionately, which is understandable) that we didn't show enough love to each other, and that in our older years, we wouldn't be close.

I explained to her that I understood her position, but that it wasn't what really mattered. Before you start bemoaning my seemingly rude response, let me explain - which I did to my mother also! What I explained to her was this - there are some people for whom a public display of affection is the most important link to their loved ones. They feel that if they don't offer public displays of affection, then they are somehow lacking in love.

I don't subscribe to that sort of thinking. At the end of the day, the two most important things to me are my family and my friends. They come first. Even before me.
I told my mother that if they needed me, I would be there. I have come through for them in the past too. Helping my sister by buying her a washer/dryer after she bought her new house and was skint. Getting my brother into a decent university after his dreams of medicine were dashed. Those are examples. My mother understood. She knows that I am not a bad guy at heart, and that I can react as emotionally as anyone else.

However, when I think back to when I was younger, I've not always behaved as well as I could have. Now the subject of this post has the song "The Final Countdown" by a band called Europe - and that is what triggered all of this. Back in 1986/7, when Europe first came out with that song, I had recorded it from the radio on my tape recorder. Then, one day, while I was playing it, I looked into my sister's room, and she had her tape recorder as close to the door as she could, and she was recording the song that I was playing. Now, a normal child would have given her a copy of the cassette, or asked her to move her tape recorder closer. Instead, I got mad at her, and turned off my tape recorder. I believe that I also gave her a piece of my mind too - maybe the earliest recorded form of illegal song downloading :o)

I had my reasons for being mad. At the time, I did sense an inequality between my younger siblings and myself. Being the eldest did seem to have an unfair share of burden. For example, I had a Sony Walkman, of which I was very proud. It was the barebones model, with nothing fancy - but I was happy. Then someone gave me a gift of a better model - with a graphic equaliser and all that. Now normally, a person would be happy - and maybe give his older Walkman to his younger sister. Alas no. My parents decided that I was not to touch the new one, and gave that directly to my sister. Does that sound fair? It didn't to me either. But it at least gives you an idea of where I was at that time. Not so much of an excuse as it is an explanation.

Fast forward a few years - at this time we are in India. My younger brother is asmatic, and so when all the cousins get together to play cricket in front of my grandma's house, he is usually forbidden from playing - because the dust starts him wheezing, and it inevitably leads to him falling ill again. At that time, I didn't really think about how he felt. He was prone to fits of anger, and would lash out - at that time I would hold him with his arms pinned at his sides until the anger subsided. The one thing that I didn't do is talk to him. I should have spent more time explaining to him why he had to be careful, and maybe even abstaining from playing myself. But no, at that time, I was only on the lookout for me. To be fair, I was the only one looking out for me - nobody else was.

As a matter of fact, after we all moved back to the UK, when my brother was still in the equivalent of high school, he would get mad sometimes, and I would do the same thing - pin his arms to his sides. When the anger subsided, he would break down and cry and apologise, and we would all hug, and things would get back to normal.

I don't want you to get the wrong idea. In terms of being a dysfunctional family, my family is as dysfunctional as you can get. But I'll tell you what, we are there for each other - without prompting - whenever we are needed. I don't mean for petty stuff - I mean for the important stuff. That's what really matters.

Don't get me wrong, it can be tough some times. When they left here in January, I had asked them to send me a picture of Nana's grave - as I couldn't be there to see it. I still haven't received it yet. I don't want to ask my mum, as she might not like going there. I called both of them about 3-4 weeks ago and left messages - no reply. As it is with many siblings - our communications are not exactly as regular as clockwork. At the end of the day, I love them though. Unconditionally. Completely. Wholeheartedly.

Here they are, in some pictures taken on New Years Eve.







Here's my sister Sandhya first - chilling while watching TV.










































Now here's my brother Navin - in his early "I am James Bond" pose!

Have a good weekend!