Conundrum
Indeed
A conundrum
A crossroads
I was sitting in the parking lot of a small strip mall last night, waiting on some Chinese food that I had ordered. I had a few minutes to kill, and was listening to the radio, feeling a little sorry for myself, when Cheryl Crow came on, singing "If it makes you happy".
I am a fan of Cheryl Crow, and of this song especially, but when she started singing it, I suddenly felt very despondent. Especially when she sang the chorus:
"If it makes you happy
It can't be that bad
If it makes you happy
Then why the hell are you so sad?"
I put that in context of where I was, and what I was feeling at the time.
Feeling bad because I was overweight, but at the same time waiting on take out food. Not the worst option for the day that I had gone through, but at the same time, not what I should have been eating that night.
So as I thought about it:
"If it makes you happy, it can't be that bad" - the food does make me happy, and so she sings that it can't be that bad. Then comes the second part
"If it makes you happy, then why the hell are you so sad?"
That's when it struck me. This seemingly never ending cycle that I am in. When I feel sad, lonely or despondent, then I eat more. By eating more, I put on weight - which makes me feel sad. I am sure that it sounds like an excuse, and in many ways it is. However, I do feel that it is something to imagine what it feels like, and another to experience it. At this moment in time, I wouldn't wish my life on anyone. Maybe that can explain how I feel.
Oh, and if you've never been overweight, then please don't try to tell me how "easy" it is to lose weight. It is sufficient to say that you would never understand.
Anyway, here's the video on YouTube:
I hate being me.
A conundrum
A crossroads
I was sitting in the parking lot of a small strip mall last night, waiting on some Chinese food that I had ordered. I had a few minutes to kill, and was listening to the radio, feeling a little sorry for myself, when Cheryl Crow came on, singing "If it makes you happy".
I am a fan of Cheryl Crow, and of this song especially, but when she started singing it, I suddenly felt very despondent. Especially when she sang the chorus:
"If it makes you happy
It can't be that bad
If it makes you happy
Then why the hell are you so sad?"
I put that in context of where I was, and what I was feeling at the time.
Feeling bad because I was overweight, but at the same time waiting on take out food. Not the worst option for the day that I had gone through, but at the same time, not what I should have been eating that night.
So as I thought about it:
"If it makes you happy, it can't be that bad" - the food does make me happy, and so she sings that it can't be that bad. Then comes the second part
"If it makes you happy, then why the hell are you so sad?"
That's when it struck me. This seemingly never ending cycle that I am in. When I feel sad, lonely or despondent, then I eat more. By eating more, I put on weight - which makes me feel sad. I am sure that it sounds like an excuse, and in many ways it is. However, I do feel that it is something to imagine what it feels like, and another to experience it. At this moment in time, I wouldn't wish my life on anyone. Maybe that can explain how I feel.
Oh, and if you've never been overweight, then please don't try to tell me how "easy" it is to lose weight. It is sufficient to say that you would never understand.
Anyway, here's the video on YouTube:
I hate being me.
posted by Manoj at
6:32 PM
1 Comments:
And here I was thinking that you were happy in that little world you had created for yourself. I agree; when I get upset I eat more. I start craving for juicy meat and chocolates and sweet stuff. It is part of who we are. I want to reduce and I am doing it. Don't know how successful I will be but I guess it is possible.
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